JokerxReader Oneshots
by ToxicSoap04
Summary: A series of JokerxReader oneshots. My first reader insert : Who knew a smart-arse pilot could be so...adorably sexy?
1. A game of stealing the hat!

**Felt like doing this; I don't think there are any or hardly any JokerxReader stories on here or anywhere so I thought 'why not?!' I have a huge obsession with Joker, I love that man with all my heart and was extremely upset that you couldn't Romance him :(**

Disclaimer: You belong to Joker, I don't own Joker or Mass effect ;) Entertainment purposes only. Enjoy!

Review Please, my first Reader insert and would like to know what you think :)

E/C - Eye colour  
H/C- Hair colour  
C/N- Character Name

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You had been living on the Normandy for a week, your cousin Commander **(C/N) **Shepard had taken you in after you lost your apartment on the Citadel due to some...unfortunate happenings. You liked most of the crew, although your favourite two were Joker and **(C/N)**. You found Jokers sarcasm to be a breath of fresh air and had recently taken it upon yourself to play a daily game of 'Stealing Joker's hat and then hiding from him in any available space'.

Which is what you were currently doing, Jokers hat was perched atop your head of **(H/C) **locks as your **(E/C) **eyes scanned the engineering deck where you were hiding inside a vent. As a child you had always enjoyed games and the smart-arse pilot brought out the playful and more childish side of your nature.

"**(Name)**!" You heard Jokers voice, it seemed he had convinced EDI to hold the fort while he searched for you and his hat. You loved his hat, it fit snuggly on your head and you liked the reaction taking it produced from the pilot. You didn't care for his 'disability' you had met many people during your 26 years of life, especially when you lived on the streets of earth. Many of those people had been disabled in someway, but they just like Joker were strong.

You heard the clanking of his boots against metal and had to stiffle a giggle that was rising up throat. As he walked past, you jumped out of the vent making a run for the elevator. Since Cerberus; Joker had stronger legs, although not perfect he managed to keep a relatively fast paced limp behind you when he realised you were making a break for it.

You kept up this game evading him until he cornered you in the now empty Mess area. Everyone had gone to sleep long ago and only you, Joker and EDI were awake. You giggled even though you were at a lose, something about Jeff Moreau made you act like a little school girl and you certainly enjoyed it. It didn't matter that he was rough and sarcastic, it didn't matter that he was quick to bite peoples head off, because for some reason you felt giddy in his presence.

"**(Name) **Give me my hat back..." You shook your head a grin growing on your lips as he stepped closer, backing you up against a wall. You hardly noticed the red blush growing on your cheeks or the subconcious parting of your lips as he placed his hands on either side of your head. You had to look up at him being at least a head shorter then the Pilot.

"You ready to give me my hat back yet?" He lowered his head closer to your lips and you could feel his hot breath on them, you couldn't stop the involuntary gasp the escaped your mouth. What was he doing to you?

"What are my options?" You stared him square in his green eyes, you weren't giving up the hat that easily, not yet at least.

"Yes or Yes" He had that smirk on his face again, the one that made your knees go weak and your head spin.

"That doesn't give me much of an option now does it...how about we make a deal?" He looked suspicious but you just grinned.

"What do you want?" You knew exactly what you wanted and you weren't going to even ask for it after all you were Commander Shepards Cousin. You took what you wanted, when you wanted it...no matter the consequences.

Your hands slid up his biceps and around his strong neck before you pulled his head down into a searing kiss, you could tell he was shocked. Not that you cared, his lips were so soft underneath your own. You gripped his short brown hair in your hands and gasped when he started to his back forcing his tongue into your mouth and dancing with your own in a fight for dominence...he won, you didn't care though. He tasted so good and you could feel his hands burning wonderfully against your hips, your back scraping up against the wall.

Before you knew it you were watching him hobble away...he had taken his hat back, the bastard had distracted you and ripped his had from your **(H/C) **head and you were sure you know looked a mess. Hair like a birds nest, lips red raw and clothes ruffled and our of place, you were just lucky that your cousin wasn't there to see you looking like you'd just had sex in a closet...the teasing would be unbearble.

Blinking yourself out of your daze you stumbled off to your bunk before collapsing into it and having dreams about a certain sarcastic pilot who was one hell of a kisser.

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**Review! Hope you liked it :D**


	2. Christmas Confessions

**It's been a while sorry about that :/ I've been really busy with school and stuff and haven't had time to write this chapter all in one go, so i've been doing small amounts at any point possible **

**Disclaimer: You belong to Joker, I don't own Joker or Mass effect ;) Entertainment purposes only. Enjoy!**

**Review Please, I would like to know what you think :)**

**E/C - Eye colour **

**H/C- Hair colour **

**C/N- Character Name**

**H/T-Hair Type i.e. Curly, wavy, straight**

**F/N-First name/your name  
**

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It was Christmas Eve. You hadn't celebrated Christmas on the Normandy yet, since your cousin **(C/N) **Shepard promised you that it'd be the best Christmas you'd ever have; not like that was very hard. Christmas on the streets of Earth weren't nice; Christmas without family and friends wasn't so good either. You ran a hand through your **(H/T) (H/C) **Hair and rubbed your hands over your eyes. You had been up late last night watching some holos...Ones of when you and your cousin were on the streets. Some of them were happy and some less so but you knew to go forward one always has to deal with and accept the past.

You walked towards Gardner and he passed you a rather sugary cup of 'Coffee'. It wasn't the best but it was better than roasted rat. You remember those days, the cold, the wet, the dark, the hunger, and the pain. Your cousin always tried to protect you but you can't protect anyone from those streets...you just can't. You took a sip from your cup, hissing as it burnt your tongue before sitting down at the table resting your head in your arms. You still found your thoughts straying months later to the kiss. You and Joker...Joker and you.

It had become almost awkward between you and the smart arse pilot. Neither knowing what to say to the other. You unlike your cousin weren't as brave nor as reckless. You feared making a mistake that would turn the green-eyed pilot away from you. You didn't even know why you kissed him...you had never been so forward before...you never did that. Not once in your life, well until then that is. You had stopped visiting him regularly and stop the game of 'lets-steal-Jokers-hat-and-hide-it'. You missed it. You missed his smart comments and his obvious obsession with bunnies since he always seems to talk about them. You missed going to him when you couldn't sleep. But you felt distancing yourself was for the best.

It was late, and Gardner just went to bed. You had received, much to your surprise, gifts from almost all the crew. Tali had given you some cool little gadget, Garrus had given you a pistol...god knows what you're going to do with it, Grunt gave you a 'Krogan Hug'...that hurt a tad, Jack tried to give you a tattoo but you managed to escape that fate, Mordin...let's just say he gave you 'advise' on certain activities with a certain pilot, your cousin gave you a book called **(Name of fav book) **and a few other members of the crew gave you things like sweets and the like, knowing you had a sweet tooth.

With Gardner's absence it meant that it was only you, EDI and Joker awake. This calmed you more than ever. After some of the things that happened while on earth you had come to hate large crowds and noise and take pleasure in the quiet that solitude offered. Joker was the only really loud person you enjoyed being around, Garrus was quiet most of the time, Tali was too, Your Cousin knew not to be too loud around you and the others just learnt to avoid making too much noise around you. But Joker her was loud and sarcastic but for once you didn't mind that quality in a person, it made you like him even more.

Footsteps could be heard heavy and distinct you didn't have to look behind you to know who it was. Even if more people were up, you'd know those steps anywhere. If the steps weren't enough his voice confirmed your theory "What are you doing up?" it sounded gruff but underneath it you could hear the concern. He didn't let it show too much though.

You looked up as he walked round and sat in front of you. His hat was perched on his head, he had tired dark circles beneath his eyes and he looked ready to keel over at any minute but he looked gorgeous to you. You didn't understand the warm fuzzy feeling that started in the pit of your stomach but you were sure it wasn't a bad feeling.

"Not tired" It was simple, you knew this but you knew he'd understand just from those two words the real meaning. You wanted to talk about the kiss, but you were fearful of the results. He mattered to you and you didn't want to ruin anything. You always seemed to ruin everything in the end.

"Look…**(F/N) **We kissed. I don't get kissed very often…Goddammit I'm a cripple what sort of girl would like a guy who can't even walk without limping" He sighed and you would have interrupted but you were frozen to the spot, you tried to speak but you couldn't.

"…You actually kissed me…you…god…Commander Shepard's cousin…kissed me" You still couldn't speak it was like someone had stitched you mouth shut like that zombie dude in the old earth classic called 'Hocus Pocus'.

"…and I don't understand how…I mean I'm a sarcastic bastard with a bad temper and brittle bones…I…I didn't mind it but god if you are only getting the cripples hopes up to crush them then I really am not sure what I'm going to do" He was frustrated, you could see this from the way he kept rubbing his hands over his face, but you didn't appreciated the accusation in the slightest and you had found your voice again.

"Oi! Just because we kissed doesn't mean that I'm doing what some bitch would do! I didn't just kiss you for the heck of it! Jeff you should know by now that you…I care about you…God I care about you a lot and…"

You suddenly realised something. That fuzzy feeling doubled and you couldn't help but run your mouth, you didn't just care for him..you…"I love you"

You couldn't stand the idea of rejection, you'd never been very good with it and so just like a little kid who didn't want to be scolded you ran. You ran to you sleeping quarters and you locked the door. You couldn't hear anything but your heavy breathing and you knew for certain the likely hood of sleeping now had gone down tenfold. Little did you know the joy brought to a grumpy and sarcastic pilot by your confession.

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**I hope Joker isn't too Out of Character, It's sort of hard writing him in romantic-ish situations, and keeping him real when he's extremely sarcastic and not really in much lovey dovey stuff XD**

Please Review :) and Thanks for reading!


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